Gay Question and Answer Archive

Okay so I’m a homosexual in High School.  I live in an extremely far-right community although I have centered myself around people who would accept me if I were to come out to them.  My parents would also accept me (although my dad might take a little to do so), yet I still do not feel like I am secure enough.  Last year I had this great web of friends who I would spend all of this time with but I started finding myself annoyed with them for ALWAYS leaving me do go do other things. For instance, they would plan on going to somebody’s house and I would always be the last to know if they invited me to do anything at all.  I would always tag along to these excursions and if not, I would later learn of all the fun things they did over the weekend at small parties or bowling or putt-putt. I naturally tried my best to hold on to them but they kept singling me out as the third wheel of everything only if they had no choice but to include me in some special event because I happened to be there when they discussed getting together.  This wouldn’t be that big of a deal if it were simply once or twice as everyone needs special time with only certain people but this is now frequent. And I have absolutely no safety net of people who I could trust and befriend.  So basically, I have slowly lost my good friends from last year and begun to feel, quite frankly, a little down. I can’t really play sports to ease the pain that has derived from a lack of friends (physical conditions).  I don’t know if it’s just because they are all girls or because they don’t like me or because I’m such an extreme introvert that they feel an intrinsic need to walk all over my emotions.  And I can’t really talk about this with them since I hate complaining about my personal problems.  I just feel that it annoys everyone.  So I don’t want to tell them that I am homosexual because I don’t feel close to them.  I really want guy friends whom I can do, well, guy things with like video games and hiking and biking and running (! excuse m y stereotypes, but in this case, it’s true.  The girls don’t like to do anything but watch scary movies and bake cookies and paint Adventure Time on white T-shirts).  But there are no liberal guys here at my school who aren’t flamboyantly gay. Its certainly not that i don’t like them for being gay, but I just personally cannot stand mindless drama in which every one of his friends calls him “gurl”.  Well anywho, my point is, my old friends do not include me in anything, I want a guy friend but every guy here happens to hate gays or be pretty much a girl themselves, I do not have anybody to really talk to or whom I can trust with this, and I’m complaining about my life on the Internet.  It just comes to show that I am a fully-grown closet gay who has no friends.  And for me to come out would only be a death sentence here.  I would consider myself pretty masculine, although I do tend to hang out with girls, again, because they’re the only ones in my community who actually accept homosexuals.  So I don’t know what to do.  I feel like shit every day and I’ve often lain down on my freaking bathroom just imagining what it would be like for my school if I were to die right now. I have nobody to talk to that I would be willing to risk my secret for and I’m basically just trying with every ounce of my will to smile when I’m around others. But they don’t care anyways.  They don’t even notice.  So it’s just getting to a futile point.  If you have any recommendations, that would be great.  Although I honestly just believe that by writing this down on paper helps me clear my overwhelmed mind.  I just need a friend to talk to.  I need at the very least someone who knows what I am going through.

One Comment

  1. Val Sep 6, 2012 at 10:07

    It’s quite possible that you can’t find other gays like yourself to befriend because they don’t know you’re gay. I assure you there are others like you. Try befriending the other gays, even if you’re closeted. When other closeted gays identify you, you may start meeting other gays that don’t fit the stereotype as well.

    Reply

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