Gay Question and Answer Archive

Greetings. Two questions from a straight male with a gay male work acquaintance:  1) If a gay friend marries a straight woman out of convenience (b/c he’s getting older and receiving family pressure to start a family), and the straight woman doesn’t know her spouse’s true orientation, and you become friends with that woman, is it being deceitful keeping his secret from her?  Should I just stay away from her?  It feels weird to be around them with this secret, and yet I don’t wish, as it’s not my place, to hurt either one of them. 2) I know there is pressure from their parents to have children.  But they are mid-30s, married for 5 years, and no children yet.  I don’t broach the subject with him but am wondering: Is it even possible for them to have kids the usual way, i.e. for him to ejaculate inside of her?  I know it’s possible for a gay man to have sex with a woman and think about a man.  But this man had prior described himself as an “0” (as opposed to “1”), which I guess just means he gets with butchier men and “receives” during sex.  Such I don’t know if the above is even possible with femmy gays. I don’t know if these are appropriate questions to ask in your forum.  I hope the language I used was appropriate!  I look forward to hearing any thoughts you have.  Peace

One Comment

  1. Val Sep 22, 2012 at 10:16

    I don’t think you should have to carry the burden of his lie as you carry on, and certainly his wife should know the truth about his orientation, if in fact he’s not straight and she doesn’t know already. She deserves the truth. Check out to read about straight spouses who spent decades with different oriented spouses before the spouse came out, and how it affected their life.
    I would consider the different ways of informing her and what her and his reaction could be. Should he be given an opportunity to tell her? will he be truthful? What will her reaction be? Will she be in denial?
    There are many possible outcomes, and you don’t want to hurt yourself.
    Yes, femme men can ejaculate w/women.


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