Hello, I am trying really hard to understand why my husband was on a “men seeking men” website and why he emailed men and posted ads of himself on there. This happened for about a year and a half. He swears nothing ever happened, that he is not attracted sexually, physically, or emotionally to men. That he has never been turned on by a man or thought about being with a man etc. He cant explain why he started doing it (maybe curiosity) but he said he kept doing it because he liked the compliments/attention that he was getting. He posted pics of himself though and received pics etc…he said that was to keep them interested and that when he did look at the pics it was strictly for comparison etc. I don’t know what to think. We have great sex and he wants it every night. Maybe he is bisexual I don’t know. What do you think?
Justin
When your husband's words don't match his actions, believe his actions. Actions speak louder than words, and your husband's actions indicate that he does have a sexual interest in men. You are not crazy. Your suspicions that your husband may be bisexual are valid. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it is a duck.
The true nature of your husband’s sexual orientation heavily affects your marriage, and you deserve to have that issue satisfactorily resolved in your mind. Do not rest until it is. Your husband’s explanation of his behavior has understandably left you with lingering doubt that you should not ignore. Your next step should be to have your husband join you in sessions with a licensed marriage counselor. An objective professional will be able to help your husband understand the validity of your concerns and the necessity for allaying them.
Bisexuality does not render one incapable of being happily married to a person of the opposite sex. Bisexuals are just as capable of monogamy as heterosexuals. If your husband is having trouble upholding his marital vow of sexual exclusivity, it is due to reasons other than his sexual orientation. A marriage counselor could also help the two of you successfully deal with those reasons.
I’m pleased that when you learned of your husband’s troubling behavior, you did not look the other way. Instead, you faced it head on by telling him the suspicions it built in your mind and asking him for an explanation that you are rightfully due. I can tell that you are a powerful woman, and I know that you will find the strength and wisdom to surmount the difficult situation currently facing you.
I wish you fair winds and following seas.
Val
I would check out www.straightspouse.org to read about other peoples experiences. On their site click on find support, then click on open forum. You can read many different experiences from people with the same underlying problem, they have found out they are in a mixed orientation relationship.
My gentle question to you is, if he was posting on men seeking women, would the outcome be any different? Doesn't Craigslist have a platonic section(though that can be a meat market also)? You may not get truth you are looking for if he hasn't come clean with you thus far. The only truth you can trust is your own inner truth and you must abide by it in order to live a content and healthy life.
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