Val

The first thing that comes to my mind is that he is already in a relationship, and people who are already in relationships are off limits.

Justin

It is wrong for you to pursue your sexual interest in the gentleman in question because doing so violates the most important interpersonal relationship rule of all: the Golden Rule, which teaches us to treat others as we would want to be treated.

You would not want someone to pursue a sexual interest in your boyfriend or husband if you had one. Consequently, the Golden Rule admonishes you not to pursue someone else’s boyfriend or husband. Leave that kind of immoral behavior to the thong-flashing Monica Lewinskys of the world. It does not matter that your office’s bisexual Casanova has been cheating on his girlfriend by overtly flirting with you. His misbehavior does not excuse you from your responsibility to always abide by the Golden Rule, but it does serve as a huge red flag that clearly warns you about his true value as a potential boyfriend. If he is cold-hearted enough to blatantly and recklessly cheat on his current girlfriend, you can be certain that he would also be cold-hearted enough to blatantly and recklessly cheat on you if you were his boyfriend.

Abiding by the Golden Rule can be difficult because it requires one to put himself in someone else’s shoes. In your situation, you should be thinking less about the pain you’re feeling after having been rejected by the gentleman in question and more about the pain his current girlfriend will undoubtedly face once she learns the ugly truth about his misbehavior and your misguided pursuit of him. His girlfriend is the only true victim here. She did absolutely nothing to deserve the mistreatment you and the gentleman in question have shown her. You, after all, only vaguely know her as someone who works upstairs in your office.

In order to now bring your behavior in line with the Golden Rule, you must make some serious changes in your conduct. Immediately cease pursuing the gentleman in question, and pray that his unsuspecting girlfriend will be blessed with the courage and wisdom necessary to respond in the healthiest manner possible once she fully realizes how her boyfriend and you have mistreated her.

The missteps you have made during this debacle of an office romance have harmed others, and you need to delicately make amends to those people if you can do so without harming them any further. We are all human. We all make mistakes; but when we do, the correct response is for us to admit them, apologize for them, make a diligent effort never to repeat them, and forgive ourselves. If you precisely follow that course of action, you will benefit from the unavoidable, lifelong cycle of errors made and lessons learned.

You now understand that you are not entitled to help yourself to someone else’s man under any circumstances. Keeping your hands off someone else’s man in the future will be easier if you remember one simple rule: Any man you have to take from someone else is . . . no prize at all.

I wish you fair winds and following seas.