Hi. I’m a 15 yr old girl, can anyone help? My story, sorry it’s so long, I tried to paraphrase it as best I could. Everything started my first year of high school. In 8th grade, a boy in my class attempted to rape me, but despite failing; I entered highschool very withdrawn and jumpy. I didn’t take care of myself and I was never mentally there during class, so naturally I was bullied. Band, the class I had loved for so long had become hell on earth- the senior and junior leaders of the section quickly became frusterated with me and began talking about me behind my back. Yay, here’s the fun part of the story. A junior girl, “Colleen” began talking to me…at first, she seemed kind, nice, everything, and I was so relieved and happy to have a friend. We grew closer. As so I began noticing things. Colleen would be talking and laughing with the section leaders and glancing over at me when she thought I wasn’t looking. I started feeling ill. I had bared my soul to this girl. I had told her about my life, from the most stupid things like my favorite ice cream to the attempted rape and how I think I might be a lesbian and have a crush on one of the girl section leaders. This is where things started getting really confusing. Colleen gave me a note telling me she had a crush on me, after taunting me that she’d tell the section leader I liked her, and saying if I didn’t be her friend (jokingly) that she would kill me and bury me in a land plot across the road. I was very scared and confused by this point. I didn’t know what to do with the note, so, I hid it in my closet and told her I only wanted to be friends. We talked less even as she started messaging me online more and more frequently. I tried to ignore her, but she became very upset and rehashed the same threats, so I chatted with her when she forced me to just so she wouldn’t tell my crush. A month or so later, my mother found it. She was disgusted (everyone in my family was raised as a hardcore Catholic). “Colleen’s a LESBIAN? Are you a LESBIAN? I CAN’T believe this!” I tried to tell her no, to lie, to do anything…this was never a way I had wanted to co! me out. I cut off communication with Colleen. Skip forward a year to the present day, and I’m back in band, with Colleen being a senior. She texted me a week ago saying she would tell the entire section I was gay if I didn’t be her friend again. I know she’s already told her friends and possibly the girl I had a silly crush on. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can barely look at myself in the mirror. It seems like my sexuality has become a horrible, ugly thing, and every time I think about it, hear about normal people with boyfriends and girlfriends, hear Colleen giggle with the section leaders I want to curl in the corner and never wake up. Can anyone relate? Is there anything I can do? I’m so lost and afraid.
2 Comments
If there is an out teacher at your school, it would be helpful to speak to him or her. As an adult and teacher at your school, they will be able to understand your circumstance and help you handle the situation. If there isn’t an LGBT teacher or club at your school, then you might consider talking to the principal if that is an option.
Here’s some resources:
http://www.stopbullying.gov/at-risk/groups/lgbt/index.html
http://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm
http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/student/index.html
http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/library/record/2746.html?state=tools&type=student
It’s important for you to know that this girl’s behavior is not about you. It’s about her and the power and adrenaline rush that she is deriving from victimizing you for her own twisted gain. She obviously has low self esteem to pick on you to make herself feel better in front of her friends.
You are powerful, wonderful, and full of gifts that are unique to you. Let no-one take that away from you. There is nothing wrong with identifying as an LGBT, and although you may feel alone, I assure you, that there are other LGBT’s in your school, though they may not be out. As you get older, you will see and meet many wonderful people, many of whom will be LGBT, and you will look back and come to realize that this girl is just ignorant. I wish you well and be strong.
Let me start out by saying I am terribly sorry that you have had to deal with this drama in your life. Trust me when I say that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Countless LGBT people, especially kids and teenagers, have to deal with bullying like this. Everyone faces it at least once in their life.
Val has hit the nail on the head exceptionally well. Any kind of bullying should never be accepted or tolerated. If you can’t find an LGBT advocate in your school to help you out, go to the principal. DO NOT let this get to your head, either. Please. As Val pointed out, bullies get their rise from belittling others. They build themselves up on those that they push down. Be defiant. Make a stand. Don’t be a victim. Be strong in who you are. You are still a young girl that is just blossoming into the young woman you will become. Take this time (high school) to get to understand who you are and what you want in life. Don’t let their twisted views destroy you. If you are gay, then be gay! If you’re bisexual, then you’re bi! If you’re straight and this was an isolated incident of curiosity, that isn’t bad either. The only person that it truly matters to is YOU.
A little bit about myself. I’m 23 and I have known I am a lesbian pretty much my whole life. At first, I was okay with it. No one ever talked about homosexuality, so I thought it was acceptable. However, once rumors started flying around in middle school, my dad found out. My life was literally a living hell after that. I was bullied, beat up, ridiculed, and shamed by literally everyone I knew. As a teenager, I let them get to me. I let THEM define who I am. I felt disgusting, wrong, and literally evil. I tried so hard to be “normal” and to be just like “everyone else”. I was living a lie. Once I graduated, I began to meet others in the LGBT community who have since become very good friends of mine. I am 100% okay with who I am and I feel so much better that I don’t let others define me. I don’t let others’ beliefs of perspectives destroy the successful, happy woman that I have become.
It may seem impossible now, but remember that you have an entire life ahead of you. Regardless of your sexual orientation, you are a human being.