I am a bi-curious female, about 3 years ago one of my friends and I confessed our interest in women to each other which led to flirting and eventually a friendship with benefits, we have never told anyone about our secret “friendship” because this would just bring both of us a lot of problems besides the fact that I am 7 years older than her. Over the years we have become sexually intimate with each other and grew strong feelings toward each other. The problem is that while to me this was a curiosity that led to feelings that eventually went away, she fell hard in love with me and she is bi-sexual while I on the other hand am only curious. I am trying to move on with my life now but anytime I bring this up to her she freaks out and begs me not to leave her. I don’t want to lose her but I don’t want to be with her either. What should I do? Please help!!!
Val
Breakups are hard but I feel you must tell her that you are not interested in a romantic relationship with her anymore. The truth, no matter how difficult to speak or hear will set you both free. It just wouldn't make for a healthy relationship for either of you to prolong the inevitable. I don't believe in her heart she would want to be in a relationship where love wasn't reciprocated either, no matter how much she cares for and loves you. The bond that you two have is strong and by what you have written I can tell that you really care for her. I hope your friendship survives. Depending on the dynamics of your relationship you two may be able to work through this. It may also be the case where you two need to step back and take some time to heal and then reconnect as friends. Initially, boundaries may need to be set to get to that point and you would both need to respect them. But I can tell you that one of my closest and dearest friends, is an ex that is identifying as straight now. I think and I hope your friendship will survive.
Justin
Your attraction to this woman was based in curiosity, and you are not in love with her. You have discussed with her your need to move on as gently as you can on more than one occasion.
What you must do now is very simple. You must leave.
It is time. Loving relationships are reciprocal. This one-way relationship is not good for you; your friend is fooling herself if she thinks it is good for her. Entrapment is not love.
Cut threw the dysfunction, and leave. I realize that your relationship does not involve physical or verbal abuse, but the red flags not seen by Nicole Brown Simpson are waving for you to see. No one should stay in a bad relationship out of guilt, fear, or financial considerations. Cut threw the dysfunction; pack your bags; and leave. Now.
Your friend's continued presence in your life can continue only if she can demonstrate the emotional stability required to set you free and allow you to fly.
Bon courage.
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