I am 16 and I have a girlfriend currently and we do have sex often, and I am attracted to her and other girls, but every now and then with only certain guys I find myself not sexually attracted but “romantically” attracted. I sit and listen to my friend talk while I dream away about cuddling with him, yet it’s only with two of my close friends. Now I remember when I was younger I experimented with another boy he was like a year older then me I don’t really remember much but it was nothing, and shortly after I found myself attracted to girls. Now here’s the thing I’m not sexually attracted to them but romantically, yet I am sexually attracted to women, but not so much romantically. Does this mean I am gay, or bi or what?
Justin
I applaud you for the courage you had in contacting "Ask A Gay Person". I think you are very smart to seek advice from someone who has "been there."
First, let me assure you that you are not alone. It is widely believed that ten percent of the world's population is gay. I do not know exactly what percent is bisexual, but I can assure you that you are not the only one. It can seem like it when you are sixteen, but it is not true. High school can be a scary place for everyone no matter what his sexual orientation is, but high school is just a temporary situation. It will end. Please know that the world has plenty of happy, well-adjusted, successful bisexuals in it. Why just the other day, the young, Academy Award winning actress Anna Pacquin of HBO's "True Blood" fame publicly revealed that she is bisexual.
What you are calling "romantic attraction" is part of all sexuality no matter what form it manifests itself in. It doesn't matter whether we're talking about someone who is gay, straight, or bisexual. Sexuality if not just sex acts. Sexuality is the emotional compass of one's life. As a gay man, my compass leads me to a desire for and appreciation of the companionship, love, attention, humor, touch, scent, sound, and outlook of males. A straight male's emotional compass would direct him to the same in regard to females. A true bisexual's emotional compass would guide him to the same in regard to both males and females.
Do not fear. Bisexuality does not make you a freak. It does not make you unlovable. It is as valid a sexuality as homosexuality or heterosexuality. Your confusion will pass. You do not have to "decide" today. You will come to know that you are as entitled to your sexuality - no matter what it is - as anyone else. I am an adult gay man; and I just adore adult bisexual men who possess the qualities of kindness, honesty, thoughtfulness, intelligence, and humor. Strive to possess those admirable qualities; and love will be a gift you know whether you are bisexual, straight, or gay.
Embracing you as you are.
Leave a Comment