My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We met when he was 17 and we have been each others only lover. I would define our relationship as wonderful as we seem to have similar dreams and are working towards goals that we set for ourselves. Our sex life is also good. My boyfriend is mostly a bottom but does top when he feels like he wants too. Recently, he broke down too me and told me he was confused about his sexuality. He says for the past year or so, he has struggled with emotions regarding the opposite sex. He tells me that he feels our relationship is wonderful, that he is madly in love with me, that our sex life couldn’t be better, and he wants to work out whatever feelings he has regarding this so that we remain happy but the thoughts of the opposite sex are so much on his mind that it is bothering our relationship. He’s completely confused if he even wants to be with me now or if he should be with a girl. We live in an area where homosexuality isn’t seen much and is pretty much private. Even though we exchanged rings as a sort of promise and continue to build our financial issues stronger so we can have a baby, he mentions both of those reasons as something that he can achieve easily with a woman. I don’t know what to do and I’m really confused. He’s my whole world and I want him to be happy but I don’t think I can emotionally take a back seat so he can try something else. I’ve explained that no matter what sex he chooses, nobody will love him and dedicate their life like I have and since I truly make him happy and am a good man to him that love should rule over any what if. My love is so strong and real that I don’t feel like it should take a backseat to some kind of mind game but I don’t know what to do. We obviously have issues that we need to work on but this has some how built a huge wall between us and he doesn’t seem to be leaning towards one way or another. Please help me. I’m very depressed.
Sean
As you may expect, the questions we usually get from people in relationships is when they are troubled because their mate has interests in same sex questions. Your question is just as important and some of the solutions will come from the same methods. The upside is that it does sound like the two of you do communicate well. It is not a question of your mate hiding things from you, but your worry comes from what he speaks about openly. If I understand correctly, he is 21 years old, so I presume you are close to him in age. Counseling is often helpful, both for him on an individual basis, as well as some together. You do have to be very careful to pick somebody that won't tend to sway him to think that being gay was a phase. It is natural for anybody to wonder about the road not taken, when they have only been with one person. I would take advantage of the fact that he does communicate with you and try and determine most specifically what the issues are that he is questioning. Is it that he feels a sexual attraction to women, or is it a yearning to simply fit into the society where you live. Is he feeling like he wants to get away from being gay or is he wanting to expand his horizons to something new. As cold as it sounds, you need to find out if he still loves and wants to be with you. The answer to that will be the starting point to figure out where you will end up. Please write back and let us know your thoughts.
Justin
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