Well my question is that I’m friends with this guy I met in college. And the very first moment I saw him I thought he way gay or bi. He told me he was straight. But I’m not the only one who thinks he’s gay, my 15 other friends also got that vibe from him. The vibes I got from him kinda made me question my own sexual interest. He say he’s straight but what straight guy holds your hand in public for over 3 minutes, what straight gay hugs you and squeezes you tightly, what straight guy loves to watch UFC and then says oh I want a pair of those tight sexy shorts they wear, what straight guy smiles at you and looks at you with direct eye contact, what straight guy plays footsies with you at taco bell and what straight guy tells you we should go to brokeback mountain. If you were to meet him you’d might think he’s gay; I think he’s bi or already had sex with gay men and he is just on the down low about it, he says Taylor Lautner is hot, he thinks Ronnie from the Jersey Shore is cute, he gets mad when you say “omg ur so gay” or ask if he is. He gets all defensive about it, but he told me he liked girls and was straight but what about this gay stuff he does and one more thing that struck me was he had a photo of himself like a side view of him wearing these black woman’s panties pulled way up to his mid stomach and not his waist. So he told me he was straight so I take his word for it but at the back of my mind all this keeps playing. So I ask is my friend Gay, Bisexual, Bi-Curious, Or on the Down Low?
AMW
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Justin
"WHEN A GOOD MAN IS HURT, ALL WHO WOULD BE CALLED GOOD MUST SUFFER WITH HIM." - EURIPIDES
Your friend is confused about his sexuality, which does not make him a bad person. Each of us is on a unique journey. Your friend will come to understand the truth of his sexuality when it is appropriate for him to do so. He cannot arrive at that truth on your time schedule. Allow him to develop at his own pace just as you did. Understand that gay people are not pitted against one another in a race to see who can come out of the closet first. Be careful never to use a gay person’s closeted status as an emotional weapon against him. Never fool yourself into thinking that because you are fortunate enough to have found your way out of the closet, you are superior to a gay brother who remains in the closet. Never lose your ability to empathize.
I am in no way suggesting that you are obligated to adopt your friend’s confusion. Your inner voice of intuition is speaking to you loudly and clearly, and it is telling you that your friend is gay or bisexual. Always abide by what your intuition tells you, not by what someone else tells you. Although you should abide by your intuition, you cannot force others to do so. Everyone must listen to his own inner voice of intuition. Your friend is free to believe whatever he wants just as you are free to believe what you want. Given the duality of that truth, it would be proper for you to lovingly explain to your friend that although you have heard him each of the many times he has made a point of telling you that he is straight, you honestly hold a heartfelt, but different opinion of what his sexual orientation is; that good friends can have differing opinions on even serious matters; and that his sexual orientation has no bearing on your friendship.
Your friendship with a young man who faces a very human struggle is a blessing to you. It is an excellent opportunity for you to set an example of how an openly gay male should lovingly treat another gay male who has yet to fully experience the liberation that awaits him “on the other side”. . . of the closet door. Your kindness to him now will only help him “break on through”. You have impressed me greatly with your earnest and thoughtful search for a deeper understanding of your friend, and I am confident that you will rise to the challenge now before you beautifully by extending a helping hand and an understanding heart. You have been given this golden opportunity for a reason. You are the right man for the job.
Thank you for your question. I’m certain it will help others who are in the same position as you.
I wish you fair winds and following seas.
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