AMW

Time to grow my dear friend. Guess what there are ton of gay folks just like you SO make friends and reframe your thoughts to celebrate your girlie energy with your community.

A lot of what you are sharing is a display of insecurity. It is okay we all go through it. Just think how much better life would be with good friends who share your style and point of view.

Kelly

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Val

Thanks for sharing your question with this websites readers, so that people can get a better understanding of our lives. I'm curious to know if you grew in S.F. or if you are a recent resident. My thoughts are two fold. First, if you are a recent transplant it is quite possible that you may feel that you have nothing in common with all the different types of people in the LGBT community. Also, you may be feeling that you are losing your uniqueness, what made you stand apart from the rest of the crowd. You may be having a hard time adjusting to your fellow gays. Our common denominator is that we are LGBTQ, but we come from different backgrounds with regards to class, race, experiences, etc.. It's a good thing though and what makes each of us unique. The only way to overcome this is to push through it, and make a point of getting to know your fellow gays and their experiences.

Justin

"LOVE ALL. TRUST A FEW. DO WRONG TO NONE." – WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

Bitchiness and cattiness are always unattractive behaviors no matter who exhibits them. Fortunately, they are not inherent behaviors in anyone. They are learned behaviors, and the good thing about learned behaviors is that they can be unlearned. If you don’t begin now to seriously dedicate yourself to the task of unlearning the unattractive behaviors vexing you as you seek to expand your circle of friends, you will, indeed, realize your fear of always being alone. Remember that one catches more flies with honey than vinegar.

Your bitchiness and cattiness with others is understandable to me on a certain level because I happen to be quite familiar with many aspects of gay culture. In gay culture, effeminate males like you often times feel pressured by others to permanently adopt a bitchy, catty stance as part of their persona. No culture is perfect. Every culture has positive and negative aspects to it. Any sense of political correctness that limits a discussion to only the positive aspects of a particular culture should be roundly rejected because of the dishonesty necessarily involved in such an approach. One negative aspect of gay culture is its acculturation of effeminate males to be bitchy and campy; and it should be vociferously condemned by all for being immoral because it violates the Golden Rule, which teaches people to treat others as they would want to be treated. The Golden Rule applies universally to all mankind. Effeminate gay men are not exempted or excluded from it. It has been astutely said that a person learns everything he needs to know about life in kindergarten. When I was in kindergarten, the teacher did an excellent job of teaching the Golden Rule to every student in the class, not just the straight ones. I can only assume that the same practice of teaching the basic principle of the Golden Rule to all students occurred in the city where you attended kindergarten. You need to remind yourself of that valuable lesson. You must also immediately make an especially concerted effort to avoid physically assaulting men you encounter just because they happen to be effeminate. Violence is always contemptible, and it is never the solution to a disagreement with someone else. Gay men have historically known violence at the hands of straight people simply because of who they are, not because of what they did. You must not allow yourself to respond to effeminate gay man for the same unacceptable reason. The best way to remedy your violent reaction to effeminate gay men is to learn to accept your own effeminacy. It is true that the qualities we most dislike in others are the ones we intensely dislike in ourselves.

Thank you for your question. It paved the way for a frank, necessary, and worthwhile discussion about a very disconcerting aspect of gay culture; and it also served to remind all of this site’s readers about a loving principle of behavior that should be guiding them in all of their interpersonal relationships. You succumbed to an acculturative expectation to adopt nasty behaviors that do not serve you well, and I applaud you for courageously recognizing and admitting that it was a mistake for you to do have done so. Like the rest of us, you are human; and it is appropriate for you to forgive yourself for having made such an understandable mistake. Your self-honesty also impresses me greatly; and it is another reason that I am highly optimistic that by simply making a few small alterations to your thoughts and actions, you will begin to manifest the positive changes you so richly deserve in crucial aspects of your life.

I wish you fair winds and following seas.