My husband and I have been married for 23 years. We have two children 19 & 21. He has always been the stereotypical macho man attractive, charming. I have always stayed attractive also…. however over the last 5 years I have been suspecting that he may be attracted to men. We have been out to dinner and he makes eye contact with men. He always has a guy that he is hanging out with more than me and the guys are always similar. Single, age 28-35, attractive, but never openly gay… they have girlfriends occasionally for a short period of time. The last couple of guys both had immaculate houses and were single. He uses the situation of racing to be able to spend so much time together. He has a race car and he is consumed with working on it. He and whomever the “flavor of the year” is work in the shop alone for hours drinking beer and smoking marijuana. Even if the car is not in the garage they will hang out alone for hours (we have a detached garage on our property). He rarely asks me to go anywhere with him… it’s always about where he and whatever guy will go… usually revolving around racing. He seems to be attracted to me… we have sex any where from 1-3 times a month and he is very affectionate (esp when high or drunk), he goes to church with me and compliments me a lot on how I look when we go out… he touches me a lot (when high or drunk) and says really loving things. So in a nut shell…. he drinks beer a lot, smokes marijuana, and craves hanging out with a guy that does the same thing. I have caught him (what looked like to me) and another guy staring at each other at a party. He is also bi-polar but takes medication that keeps him out of mania. I give you all of this information because I am desperate. I have prayed over the last years to find out why I feel so strongly about this… I just want the feeling to go away. We do not spend enough time together and he spends enormous amounts of time with this guy. Is he gay or am I just a crazy, lonely housewife?
AMW
Wow! This is a tough one. Your suspicious thoughts may be valid. He seems very patterned. Patterned enough that you are picking up on them.
My simple suggestion is to go to couples counseling and bring up this subject with the help of a trained professional. He may not be gay. There are some men who just like being with the guys.
Again, seek professional help to get a safe answer to this question. Good luck and God bless!
Val
Making eye contact with men is the same as making eye contact with women. It is essentially not being faithful to the relationship. That is the pink elephant in the room. If he has acted on any of his connections, only he can answer. I can say there are plenty of straight men that are conscious of how they look and the appearance of their homes. You have been married for 23 years and that is very admirable. Considering the length of your marriage, I would just talk to him and ask him. It may be appropriate for you two to seek marriage counseling to address his issue of making eye contact with men and what he is feeling. Also, check out www.straightspouse.org to read about other peoples experiences.
Leave a Comment