So, are there any masculine / jock / alpha-males type of guys who are good-looking, drama-free, low-maintenance with resolved father issues who like to watch Sports Center…? Any…? Any at all…? One will do… (Other than myself…)
Val
You are definitely not the only gay masculine man around. In my city the gym is full of buffed masculine gay men, and televised games and sports shows are the predominant channels to view while you workout. Likewise, around town although we have a good mix of people, there are plenty of buffed guys that fit your description. I think masculine gay men that don't fit the stereotype slip pass the gaydar of most people because of our assumptions of who a gay person is. Our community is so diverse that although there are gays and lesbians that would fit the stereotypes, there are also many, many more that don't.
Sean
Of course there are. If you aren't finding them, it may be because of where you are looking. There are a lot of masculine men who are gay that have a broader life interest than making everything about being gay. Instead of gay bars, try finding a gay sports league. There are many. Let us know what city you are living in and we'll offer some suggestions.
Justin
Your frustration is quite palpable. Many of our readers will understand what you are saying and be able to empathize with you. You are not alone, Dude.
You are not the only gay guy to feel at times as though he's being held hostage by a knitting circle of lisping, limp-wristed, overly affected, inter-sexual, tennis bracelet-wearing male flight attendants and figure skaters who'd rather build their mother's beehive than install and plumb her new kitchen or rebuild her old Beemer's engine with their own tools... on their own car lift... in their own shop. Gay men characterized by stereotypical personality traits do exist. In some locales, they exist in predominant numbers. You may currently be in such a place.
I know plenty of guys who have experienced a well-documented, verifiable shortage of masculine gay men that has caused them frustration. It's offensive to suggest that a gay male's only requirement for a partner is to have a penis. We all appreciate the succulent pulchritude of a penis, but gay men actually are drawn to men for reasons beyond just the fact that they have that specific appendage. The men we love come with personalities, and much good can be said about personality traits the culture in which we all live recognizes as being part of a traditionally masculine persona. Every Tom, Dick, or Harry has got a penis; but gay men should not be presumed to be shallow. Many of us are truly interested in the totality of a man; and we are justifiably and legitimately drawn to men whose build, speech pattern, vocal register, scent, gait, gestures, sense of humor, style of dress, skills, interests, hobbies, desires, touch, build, appetite, and every other possible quality inherent in a male human being are culturally recognizable as masculine and indicative of maleness. Traditionally masculine men need not apologize for being who they are, and their male admirers need not apologize for their attraction to them.
Your question brings to mind lyrics from Paula Cole's well-know song from the nineties that asked, "Where have all the cowboys gone? Where is my John Wayne?" I totally get it. You are not looking for your "Ross Mathews", the epicene intern from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Some people are, but you are not. It should be observed and applauded that you are not saying anything derogatory about effeminate men; you just don't want to date them. Your desires are totally acceptable and valid.
Fear not. The guys for whom you are looking are out there. They may be few and far between depending on where you are, but they are out there. Not all gay men are womanish. Just from the little snippet you submitted to our website, I can tell that you are bright, literate, well-spoken, and sharp-witted; and I am totally comfortable believing you when you describe yourself as handsome, well-adjusted, low-key, and manly. You'll be just fine once you put yourself into the right man-hunting mode and environment. Just be your charming self, and you will draw the men you seek to you. They won't be able to resist you. Heck, if I weren't your advice columnist...
Please pardon me, for I have digressed... Now then, where were we? Why, of course. As I was about to say earlier, when you do finally reel in a prized catch, make sure that you express your appreciation to him on multiple levels. Hone all your standby interpersonal relationship skills, and incorporate new and enlightened tips and techniques into a repertoire that is constantly expanding and changing. Do the same, naturally, with regard to your sexual prowess in the bedroom and your culinary skills (masculine chefs are bangin' hot and draw men like moths to a flame - no pun intended!). Relationships are work. Prepare yourself for the work it takes to maintain one.
What do I recommend you do to increase your odds of successfully finding the traditionally masculine man of your dreams? The old adage that birds of a feather flock together is true. Consequently, my primary recommendation to people is always that they pursue the activities they already naturally enjoy. No matter what you are into - whether it's hiking, biking, playing baseball, repairing cars, fishing, hunting, or rock climbing, join a special interest club. There's a club for every kind of activity; and they are a good way to get yourself involved in an activity you enjoy with like-minded guys, some of whom are bound to be gay, available, and appealing to you. If an activity appeals to you as the masculine, gay male you are, it will appeal to other masculine, gay males. The club you choose doesn't have to be a "gay" club. Most non-gay clubs don't have institutionalized policies of discrimination against gay people. Remember also to make the effort to go where your interests take you. If you like baseball games, hit the stadiums. If you like rodeos, attend a rodeo. If it's golf you like, get on the course. You may not think about it, but church is also an excellent place to meet guys. (I know a handsome, traditionally masculine, gay preacher/former Olympic swimmer who would be perfect for you.) If you've got a particular skill, knowledge, or area of expertise – whether it's carpentry, accounting, piloting a plane, or the accurate reenactment of historical military battles, volunteer for an organization that can utilize what you have to offer. If you want or need to learn a new skill or just brush up on an old one, take a class; your next boyfriend could be sitting in the seat next to you. Learning a language is always good because it could take you to places full of tasty men you've never sampled before. Comprende?
I understand the frustration that has been plaguing you lately, but I am also very optimistic that you will rise above it very soon. I'm on your side, Bro.
Happy trails to you!
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