I have this one friend who I have known for a long period of time. One time we were at this place and he kept starring at this one guy each time he would go by and would literally stare at him the whole entire time. I thought that it was odd because usually a straight guy would not stare at someone each time they see them. I asked him why he was looking at this other guy and he said that he liked his hair. I later found out when we were talking with his other friend that the other friend said oh the guy from such and such a place. If he were only interested in his hair why would he have told his other friend about it? Then more things seemed to confirm certain things. He had this one guy that he had met from his workplace and they decided to go out and I went with him. He would make the comment that he’s good looking and I asked him if he had any attraction toward him and he said that he found him good looking yes, but that he wouldn’t do anything with him sexually. When I later talked with him about it and asked if he had considered doing anything he doesn’t just answer no. He adds, no, but if I were going to do something with him I certainly wouldn’t do it because of other co-workers and reasons that pretty much give the details of why unless he couldn’t have any notice from other people. I have talked with him on several occasions and he will see a movie preview and mention some guy that’s on it and that they have certain characteristics. He has referred to other guys as cute, hot, or sexy, but that he doesn’t like guys in that light. He states that if given the choice that he would rather live with a guy over a girl. Any girlfriends that he has had he always treats like crap and puts them down. If you look at his phone he has more pics of guys than he does girls. He hardly ever talks about girls at all. Once in a great while he will say that this girl is good looking but he doesn’t state the same kind of emphasis as he does with guys. He is always looking at other guys on television and wanting to look just like them and will comment about his hair and pretty much that he wants to look like a certain person. I have had many discussions with him about his sexuality and he doesn’t enjoy talking about it. I and other friends have told him all about us and have held no secrets back, but with him he feels like it’s alright for him not to be willing to be open about who he is. When I have talked with him he has stated in the past that there is a 40% chance that he would do something with another guy as long as he was out of town and none of his family would know and that basically he couldn’t be detected or noticed. Then, when I ask him later about it he says that he is only interested in girls only and that he was going through an experimental phase. However, this answer has changed every 6 months to a year. And, it frequently goes back and forth. Then, he has had threesomes which have always consisted of one other guy and him with a girl. He stated when doing this one time that this technically makes him bisexual because he has another guy with him and a girl. He had a friend that he lived with for a while and they would act gay with each other and he would always have to be there for him and would state that the guy friend of his was like the man, and he was like the girl. This made me think that this was crazy because why would you refer to it that way. I had some more discussions with him and he stated in a conversation that he likes threesomes and that he has always wanted to do an orgy and I don’t remember him saying with a girl but he could have stated this but I remember him saying whether with the girl or not that when describing the orgy that he would like to do one with more than one guy. That got me to accept the fact that he is showing bisexual traits and that he is just not being honest with me. I had one last discussion with him and when I asked him about his answers he said conflicting answers to what I had clearly heard him state in our discussions. When I ask him would he let a guy do anything with him he will answer no but not forcefully but state no because it would be awkward. In other words, he will answer no, but not leave it at that will basically state that it is awkward and in my recent discussion I was able to get him even though he was sort of being conflicting that if a girl were in the mix that he is basically bisexual. In other words, my opinion is that he wouldn’t entirely rule out doing something one on one with a guy but that trust and the fact that if he did do something with a guy and say if that guy were to say that something had occurred that it would be his word against another guys word. If he does a threesome then it is more safe because if a girl is involved then that would make it more safe and it would be like if someone said something then a girl was involved and wouldn’t be like he was being labeled gay or bisexual. I had asked him if he has ever done anything with two girls and him and he says no. He has done threesomes with many of his good friends, and a girl. He comments that he likes this one girl because she is non-judgmental. One time he had a conversation with the three of us and stated that he has always wondered what it would be like to do things with another dude and this shocked me. A short time thereafter he wound up having a threesome with the one guy, the girl, and him. I asked him why he liked threesomes so much and he said you should know why. But, he wouldn’t answer the question. The reason why I am writing all of this is because he continually lies to me on his answers and they constantly conflict. The other thing is that I have had a relationship with him being a guy with him and I feel that he has done things with other guys. He has taken baths with other guys, slept in the same bed as other guys, danced with other guys, and done threesomes with other guys. He will admit to the threesomes because they have been mentioned by his friends and himself. But, he won’t admit that he has ever done anything with other guys but his behavior makes me think otherwise. And, when I ask him about it he always says no. One time I asked him if he had done something with this one guy and he said no I don’t find him attractive. But, in later answers he will compare this guy to other guys and say he is good looking so it’s like he gives conflicting answers. I could go on and on about it. In other words, he is having a hard time admitting who and what he is I feel and his actions make me think that although I can only prove bisexual, the fact that he is having a relationship with me and this other girl shows that he is at least bisexual but with the fact that he is always talking about guys, stating he would rather live with a guy over a girl, and the pics and other things makes me believe that it shows that he could very well be actually gay more than bisexual. It seems that trust is an important component to his whole sexuality. I honestly love him and if you were to ask me anything else about him or if I were to ask him about what kind of clothes he likes, cars, shows, etc his answers are always consistent and don’t change. But when it comes to asking him about his sexuality he will say one thing, and when you mention to him what he has said in previous conversations he will contradict them or say that he didn’t mean it like that. I could accept this if it had happened once, but it has been the case in so many conversations. I feel that if I am going to be in a relationship with him and that I have told him all and what I have done when it concerns the topic that he should be the same way. I would like to get others opinion and take on this whole situation and what you think about it? I have been troubled by it and I just want him to be honest about who he is and it’s not like it has been a short span of time. It has been going on for several years and at first I thought it was just that he wasn’t sure about his sexual orientation, but after so much time has gone by I think he knows how he honestly feels but just doesn’t want to
admit who and what he is. In conclusion, he will state about his family and that he feels they wouldn’t be surprised if he were to tell them that he’s gay or bisexual. Then, he is concerned about how his siblings would feel, but yet he states that his other siblings have gay friends and so on so it’s like there’s another contradiction. Also, if someone isn’t willing to just be honest and so forth about it, what would you do as far as would you continue a relationship or do you think it’s time for me to move on? I have told him that I think it might be best for him to find a new guy and that he could be himself and when I state this he says that I’m the only person that he wants to be with. If so, why can’t he just be honest? And, I’m very nice to him and don’t raise my voice, or cause any arguments. I just want him to know that I accept him for who he is, and just would like to have some feedback on all of this. Thanks.