Am I a lesbian or bisexual? I’m a 19 year old female and I’ve just come to terms with the fact that I do like girls. I didn’t even truly realize it until recently. My whole life I’ve been with a guy. I’ve kissed them, dated them, had sex with them, but I’ve never felt connected to any guy I’ve ever met. Somethings always been missing. Since I was about 13 I started watching porn, and have always been into lesbian porn. I can’t “get off” watching anything else. But I thought this was just a normal thing that everyone else does and I’ve never thought too much else about it. Around 16, I started thinking about what it’d be like if I were with my best friends at the time who were girls. I never went through with it because I knew they wouldn’t bat an eye at something like that, but whenever I was around them I got so aroused in a way. I thought they were not only attractive physically but their personality was as well. Then I came around Tumblr (a blogging site) & started following these lesbian blogs and I realized then how open some people were and it made me a little less afraid to accept that I really do like girls. This past year, I haven’t been with anyone (guy or girl) for over 10 months because I don’t know what I want anymore. Ever since I can remember I’ve always been with guys, but recently I’ve been much more open to being with a girl. Not just physically, but in a relationship as well. I’ve had crushes on some guys physically but I don’t know if that’s normal. I’ve never been with a girl or kissed a girl or haven’t met a girl yet that I truly have a crush on mainly because I was always too afraid of the idea. Now, I’m very interested in trying it out because like I said before something has always been missing when I’m with a guy, and I can’t shake away my feelings for girls anymore. I don’t know what to do.
Rome wasn't built in a day. Don't feel the need to have to define yourself. My situation was similar to yours in that my feelings for women came about slowly in my late teens - early 20's. I never talked to anyone about these feelings until after I had met my first girlfriend in my late 20's. I believe I would have explored this area more if I had access. In the beginning I would say it was about the person and not the gender and when forced to label myself I would say I was bisexual. But recently I took a look back at my life and my relationships and realized that since I had started dating women I no longer had the desire to date men and when I looked back at the relationships I had with guys there was something missing. While I was attracted to men physically - there was something missing there for me - the emotional connection. So if I was forced to label myself today, I would say I was a lesbian. As for yourself and what your sexuality is.... follow your heart, you'll know what feels right. Don't let a label confuse you, you don't have to fit into anyone's box! A friend gave me a magnet once that said, "Bi today. Gay tomorrow!" ;)
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