Dear person, I am an 19-year-old male college student studying dance and I’m some what confused. I’m not confused on whether or not I like men or women, but if I should be qualified as gay. You see, I like men physically, but I like women… I guess you would say internally. I’ve never dated a boy or a girl because I don’t really know which to date, but I have “crushes” on both genders. I’m also not the kind to confess my attraction to another due to shyness. There is a girl currently who is my best friend that I’m in love with(or think I am) but I still have sexual feelings for some guys I know. Everyone I know thinks I’m straight and I want to tell someone, but the only person I feel would understand and accept me is the girl I love(conflict much?). I just want someones opinion: should I just be gay and be okay with her friendship or if I should forget sexual desire?
Justin
"THREE THINGS CANNOT BE HIDDEN: THE SUN, THE MOON, AND THE TRUTH." - Buddha
Heed Buddha’s pearls of wisdom. If you continue to live a life that is contrary to your true sexual feelings, you will surely be condemning yourself to a life of misery instead of the joy you richly deserve. You have convinced yourself that you are only sexually attracted to men, but emotionally drawn to women. That stance currently comforts you because it allows you to avoid having to accept your homosexuality. I have seen many gay and bisexual men who are uncomfortable with their sexuality adopt the same stance, which is a thinly veiled psychological trick based on the false notion that one is not truly queer if he does not feel an emotional attraction to the men who are the objects of his sexual desires. Your self-delusion may be providing you a modicum of comfort for the time being, but the words of Buddha are clear. Ultimately, you will be unable to hide the truth of who you really are. You are special and unique, but I don’t buy for a minute your suggestion that you are an extremely rare example of an authentically asexual 19-year-old male dancer. You already know intuitively that you are a gay or bisexual 19-year-old male dancer; and if you ever expect to truly trip the light fantastic, you will begin to deal honestly with the issue of your true sexual orientation sooner rather than later. I am not in any way advising you to come out of the closet to others before you are fully prepared to conquer that milestone or before it is safe for you to do so, but you do now need to admit to yourself exactly who the person in your closet is.
I wish you fair winds and following seas.
Val
It seems to me that you are pretty confident of your likes and dislikes as they pertain to each of the sexes. I don't think you should put too much pressure on yourself in the label department, especially since you haven't started dating yet. Once you do start dating and experience relationships your preferences should become clearer, and your heart will lead you in the appropriate direction.
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