Hi, I’ve always felt attracted to women, I have no doubt regarding that. I like women. On the other hand, I’m already an adult and do not feel attracted to men, but, I have had a memory bothering me ever since I was a teenager. I have a memory of me kissing a guy at home when I was 7-8 years old. The problem is that I think I did it as a way of getting revenge from my mother at that time and because I saw a man doing that on tv, I felt I was doing something funny. You might say I’m in denial, but if I felt gay I would just acknowledge it. The other strange thing is that during my adolescence, I never felt attracted to men… so please I need help , I have never shared this with anybody nor do I have the guts to tell someone about it.
Val
Thank you for your candid question. You say that you are not attracted to men, and have never felt attracted to men. Also, if you were gay you would know it, and acknowledge it. When you were 7-8, you kissed a guy because you were emulating something you saw on TV. Why was it revenge on your mom? How did she react to you kissing a guy?
Certainly, there is a lot of hatred and bigotry towards our community and we are subject to it from early in our adolescence, in the most subtle and not so subtle ways. Since you say that it was to agitate your mom, and I take it you felt nothing by doing it, why would the memory bother you? It does not make you gay just as gay people kissing straight people does not make them straight.
Kelly
If you like women and are not attracted to men then why dwell on the past. Especially since you say you only did it to get back at your mom. Do a little soul searching and be honest with yourself. Might there be some curiosity left? Just because you are an adult now doesn't mean your feelings can't change. I only started dating women when I was 30. It's never too late for self-discovery. Follow your heart and don't judge yourself. Good luck!
AMW
I think you are asking and answering your own question at the same time.
If you kissed a boy at age 7or 8 I don't think that determines your adult sexuality. Children often mirror what is in his or her surroundings that is why it is so important to create positive environments for our youth. "Playing doctor" or "show me yours and I'll show you mine," doesn't make one a doctor or a stripper. If you feel comfortable in your gay skin and it feels right. Then?
Justin
"ALL SECRETS ARE DEEP. ALL SECRETS BECOME DARK. THAT'S IN THE NATURE OF SECRETS." - CORY DOCTOROW
The fact that you kissed another boy when you were only seven or eight in order to upset your mother or emulate something you saw on television and thought was funny does not make you gay. You are straight, my friend. I’m sorry to hear that this issue has caused you unwarranted worry for so many years. If our paths had crossed earlier, I would gladly have done whatever I could to ease your mind then; but I am grateful to have the opportunity to at least attempt to do so now. Your story is not about a gay man who cannot admit his true sexuality. Your story is about a straight man experiencing the danger of keeping a secret. Secrets are toxic, and you should never strive to keep them. Secrets can make you sick. The only cure for keeping a secret is to tell the truth, and I commend you for now having bravely done so. We can all be grateful to the founders of this website for the gift they have given so many people from all walks of life. The peace you have always deserved is now yours. To maintain that peace, own the truth of what happened in your childhood. Speak of it openly and proudly. What happened then does not mean that you are gay. It only means that you were a very bright, humorous, creative, and adorably mischievous young boy. You have nothing of which you need to be ashamed. As you continue your life’s journey, heed the lessons of this experience. Never set yourself up to have to keep a secret. Always demand total honesty from yourself. Ben Franklin was right when he said, "Honesty is the best policy." No matter what the truth is, it is always better to reveal it than to keep it a secret. You do not have to hide the truth. You only have to hide a lie.
I wish you fair winds and following seas.
FOLLOW UP QUESTION:
Ok, I’m the same guy that said ..he kissed a guy as a child , I really appreciate your answer but I need more orientation regarding that issue. I live in Caracas, Venezuela (that’s why my English is not so good) and we have a different culture; it is a not so tolerant society mainly because of ignorance or lack of information. My parents are excellent human beings. They grew up in poor economic conditions and struggled through studying to give both me a life better than the ones they had. (I’m not their only child but the only male) even though they aren’t rich people I admire them for having gotten out of such poor economic conditions. You tell me that I’m not gay, that’s ok, I accept it but how do I share that without harming anybody or myself. Do I start spreading it anonymously through social media such as facebook? I’m currently reading books based on spiritual things trying to get some light.
Val
Thanks for the question. I previously said that you should not worry about one childhood experience because you seemed confident that you were only attracted to females, and that you kissed the boy to get back at your mother. If you want to share your childhood experience with other people, then I say share it the same way you shared it with us. It was an innocent experience, and if you only have feelings for females, then most likely the response you receive will be non-judgmental. If you want to share with people that you are interested in men or are open to the idea, then I would say do what feels safe for you. Your safety and well being should be your top priority. People come out at different times and in different ways. Perhaps telling someone you can trust, who is close to you would be a start, so that you have emotional support. Also, getting to know other LGBTQ people and perhaps becoming involved in LGBTQ groups. LGBTQ people are everywhere, and they certainly are in Venezuela as well. There is an LGBTQ Pride march in Caracas and a gay community. Also, you don't have to be gay to get involved in gay rights. What's taking shape in the U.S. is that in the fight for LGBTQ equal rights, and same sex marriage rights specifically, is that the issue is being taken up increasingly by straight people as well. And rightfully so, as LGBTQ equal rights is a civil rights issue.
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