Ok… well I have been with my partner for almost 8 months and I am truly in love with him and I feel that he loves me as well. The question is, I found out a few months ago that is he Facebook friends with is first love/sexual partner. Although it has been 9 years since that relationship it is still very bothersome. he was 16 at the time. What do you all think, should he have him on there or is it right for me to ask him to delete him.
Val
In my experience, asking someone to not associate with another person in such circumstances never works.
Justin
"THE BEST WAY TO FIND OUT IF YOU CAN TRUST SOMEBODY IS TO . . . TRUST HIM." – ERNEST HEMINGWAY
It is acceptable for your boyfriend to have a former flame as a friend on Facebook as long as he does not violate any clearly defined behavioral boundaries of his committed relationship with you. A healthy, successful relationship is always characterized by boundaries that clearly define exactly what behavior is and is not acceptable. If the boundaries of your relationship with your boyfriend are still fuzzy after eight months, you and your boyfriend are equally at fault for that oversight; and you need to work together to remedy it. In addition to committing yourselves to reading this site’s sage relationship advice more regularly, the two of you need to immediately have a serious and thorough discussion about the nature and scope of your relationship; and that discussion should culminate in the establishment of both clearly defined boundaries and appropriate consequences for any violation of those boundaries. Then you must agree to trust each other to honor those boundaries and consequences. As of this date, your boyfriend has not given you any valid reason to mistrust him; and you are no longer in middle school. Consequently, it is wholly inappropriate for you to be monitoring your boyfriend’s every move. If one day in the future you learn that your boyfriend has violated the clearly defined boundaries of your relationship, he will be unable to feign ignorance of them; and it will be proper for you to swiftly enact the appropriate, previously agreed upon consequences of his misbehavior.
I wish you fair winds and following seas.
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