General Question and Answer Archive

As an introduction, let me say that I think of myself as an entirely heterosexual man. I’ve never had a gay experience, nor do I feel curiosity about having one. But I do have a great deal of curiosity about the subject as a whole. When I see men – young or old, short or tall, handsome or ugly, I simply feel no attraction toward them. If however, I did feel that way, then it is my absolute basic human right to form a same-sex relationship and not be bothered by anyone. Because, on its most simple and basic level, who I love and who loves me is nobody else’s business. I say all this just to give you a quick summary of my beliefs so you can understand where I am coming from with my question, If I use an improper term or title to describe a type of person, please excuse the error and understand that it is Not done out of condescension, or animus or anything of the kind. Anyhow, with my basic philosophy on the subject out of the way, allow me to continue – My question has to do with what are termed “fem” lesbians and “dominant” gay men. I understand how a person is attracted to others of the same sex. Let’s take the easiest comparison for me – as example a “masculine” lesbian has the same (or at least a very similar) “mindset” to me. She sees a woman and has exactly the same feelings that I do in terms of – attraction, interest, possibly love, and of course simple sexual-desire. Were we both to look at the same attractive female, our desires would be triggered by the same traits. And for an effeminate gay man, he must have feelings akin to a straight woman’s viewpoint in terms of having feelings and desires to be intimate with men, Neither of these are difficult concepts for me to grasp. What I do not understand is the attraction of a “feminine” lesbian for a “masculine” lesbian. (and of course the similar case of a “masculine” gay man desiring a “feminine” one). If a feminine gay woman has feelings for other women, I would think that she would be attracted to everything feminine. Not to be vulgar, but things like breasts and behinds and curves and small waists…etc…. (No different from what attracts me to women). But I cannot understand the attraction of a feminine lesbian for a masculine one? If she desires women, then what would attract her to a woman without the traits associated with females? What would attract her to a woman with masculine traits – broad shoulders, tall, strong, dominant, square jaw, thick arms, (all the traits that a straight man such as myself possesses, (or at least aspires to have) to attract women. It seems to me that if those traits are attractive to a woman, then really she is attracted to men? So why would she have feelings for a woman with those traits, or attempting to attain those traits? Why would she not simply date men to begin with? (Accordingly, this question is the same for the attraction of a masculine gay man for a feminine gay man. i.e. If that masculine man is attracted by feminine traits, why would he not instead just date women to begin with?). Now of course I am dealing in Broad Generalities here. In the real-world personal case of why a person (of any orientation) is attracted to another person (again of any orientation) is entirely subjective. True love, whatever its specific form, goes far Far beyond whether someone likes another person’s breasts. Of course, real life relationships take into account those basic feelings of desire, but in addition to them, attraction is made infinitely more complex in other important ways (personality / shared-interests / common-goals / philosophical-beliefs / academics-intellect / charm and charisma/…etc..etc… adinfinitum ), so as to make the other person’s waist-to-hip-ratio of so little importance as to be laughable. But in a General Sense, my question still has a degree of validity, I was hoping that a few women who are attracted to other women with masculine traits, and a couple men who are attracted to other men but with feminine traits, could give me a response about their own personal take on the question. In closing just let me repeat that I have the deepest respect for people in loving relationships of any kind and of all types. Thanks for your time

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