Okay. For the famous faux pas of the day…. I am a very open-minded woman, have met many, many people in my time, and I feel that a person should be who and what they want to be. I do not judge them for their choices to be happy, or well. That said (and I think I speak for a great deal of people in the dark), how does one go about asking the million dollar question on what a person who is not clearly male or female, what they would like to be addressed as? Ma’am, Sir, Miss, Ms.? To elaborate, I know someone that is a woman, is a lesbian, but goes by Ma’am, dresses a man, speaks like a man. Now, this is all fine and well, but in an effort to not offend or piss someone off, how is the general public to know this unless blatantly asked? Do you assume based upon clothing? One shouldn’t, right? Assuming makes an ass out of you and me, right? Then again, I’m quite sure that this is a situation encountered everyday by the LGBT community. I think that most people, innately, do not want to offend or insult, so I also feel there is a certain curiosity to this whole matter. I work in customer service and am especially keen on getting a name to assist me with this issue, but when you are in doubt and the name you get is “Pat”, c’mon! I truly would like to know how to proceed with this without being unprofessional or rude, as I am neither, and do not savor situations where I just simply cannot figure it out. Thanks.
One Comment
Thanks for the great question! You’re not alone! I think there’s a lot of confusion when it comes to gender identity and how one goes about properly addressing a person. Confusion over someone’s gender identity crosses all communities and can be just as confusing for LGBT’s as well.
I think the key is respect, and understanding that every person is different and we don’t all fit into the stereotype. If appropriate, I would ask how the person identifies. I address transgenders by the gender that they identify with. If I can’t tell, like you said by just their clothes or first name, then I stick to their first name. For most androgynous people, this is a frequent encounter, and I’m sure they would rather it be turned into a personable rather than awkward moment. I wouldn’t worry about them being offended by being called Pat, or whatever their name is.
Best of luck!