AMW

Cowgirl up! Don't be afraid. If you want a woman. Go get her. If you are attracted to women and it feels right. You have all the right in this country to pursue her.

My advice to you is this: Don't be so insecure. Be Brave. Be smart! It will get you farther. We all are insecure at times. Just breath. Believe in your strength and know what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

And if you want to share your heart and body with someone you care about you will get hurt. It goes with the game. Just like in basketball. You can only score if you are in the game and on the floor. Of course, you might sprain an ankle, jam a finger but it is all worth it when you score the winning basket.

Val

It's clear that this question has weighed heavily on your mind and I applaud you for seeking to better understand your feelings. My very unprofessional but much experienced in life opinion would be to gently suggest that you simply drop the labels and continue to live your life in truth as you so eloquently have done thus far. In time your preferences should become clearer. Also, it is perfectly normal to be attracted to both sexes. Continue to seek a better understanding of why you feel the way you do towards women as well as men. I'm curious to understand if you and the beautiful woman's relationship was more than a casual attraction, and if you are seeking to actively date women. If the flirtation felt right to you then you should definitely explore dating women. I'm also curious about your preference to gay porn. I know a lot of people, both gay and straight, who's first sexual encounters did not meet the hype that our culture ingrains in us from early in our development. Just remember, you are very normal and it is an admirable quality you have to be in tune and open about your feelings, so don't put too much pressure on yourself and... have fun.

Justin

It is perfectly acceptable for you to be confused by your sexuality as long as you own your confusion. If someone in whom you are interested asks you what your sexual orientation is, it would be appropriate and advisable for you to speak the truth about it just as you have done in this venue. You should respond by saying that you are currently confused about your sexuality, for that response is currently the only true one. Your honesty may scare away some potential suitors, but it will entice many more. Frankly, I also have no idea what your sexual orientation is; but your honesty about the confusion you are experiencing does not repel me. On the contrary, I find your admissions to be very refreshing and appealing. There is no rule that says you must possess a rock solid understanding of what your sexuality is by the time you are in your mid-twenties. Your confusion does not stem from any deep-seated denial rooted in fear. You seem as though you will be more than willing to accept your sexual orientation and conduct yourself accordingly once you finally determine what it is. The perplexing situation concerning your sexuality reminds me of a kid who is trying to decide whether he likes vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry ice cream the most. A kid in that situation would repeatedly taste each of those flavors in order to make a decision about which one is his favorite, and you are beginning to undertake a similar process. You have already had an experimental encounter with a man, but it failed to resolve any issues for you. I’m not surprised. Soulless "McSex" with an unknown male partner can ultimately be unsatisfying even for confirmed homosexuals. The exploration into your sexual orientation has just begun. It is not yet time for you to push yourself away from the wide variety of delicacies offered at the buffet of sexual orientations. You need some double, triple, or even quadruple dipping. You need more encounters with men, and you need to give them a chance to develop into a relationship. You are not looking for a string of one night stands. You are authentically interested in developing loving relationships that are significant in your life. If your future attempted liaisons with men ultimately never do progress beyond the point of extremely short sexual romps that bore you, you will have gained invaluable insight into your sexual orientation. At that point, you should then begin exploring the same possibilities with members of the opposite sex. The answers to your questions will emerge. You will begin to understand which flavor you prefer your loving relationships to be: gay, straight, or... "Neapolitan".

Of course, in order to embark on lasting, loving relationships with either sex, you will need to deal with the other major issue looming before you: your deflated self-esteem. The question you submitted is reflective of a young man who is very sensitive, kind, caring, and intelligent. Focus on those estimable qualities instead of the ones you perceive as your personal shortcomings; and for heaven’s sake, please do not take to heart anything a few "mean girls" from your high school and college days said to you. "Mean girls" are mean because they are riddled with their own insecurities, and they are incapable of knowing what makes a good lover. If the "mean girls" of your yesteryear's knew you now, they would undoubtedly regret the harsh judgments they made about you in their youth. Women who have evolved beyond the classic high school or college "mean girl" phase understand that one of the sexiest things on a man is niceness. You are a nice guy, and nice guys do not finish last. Women (and plenty of gay and bisexual men) of substance appreciate nice guys.

I would also like to point out to you that just as you do not have to believe the negative thoughts of others, you do not have to believe your own negative thoughts. Start today to retrain yourself to think more positively about yourself. You deserve a more inflated sense of self. The next time you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself, I would like you to make a concerted effort to counteract those negative thoughts by enumerating in your mind three positive attributes you can identify about yourself and focusing on them instead. Repeat those positive thoughts in your head on a regular and frequent basis throughout the rest of the day. If possible, say them aloud; say them before you go to bed at night and when you wake up in the morning. Each day refuse to give credence to the negative thoughts that creep into your head, for they have never done anything good for you. Practice replacing negative thoughts about yourself with positive thoughts about yourself. You’ll begin to see yourself in a whole new light that will also envelope the people fortunate enough to cross your path.

I thank you for submitting your question to our site. You have articulated your concerns extremely well, and your aboveboard approach to the pertinent topic of the discussion you have initiated is highly esteemed by me and this site’s readers. At times it may seem as though you are alone in what you are experiencing and feeling, but I can assure you that you aren’t. You, moreover, will never know just how many other people you have helped by sharing your story; but if you have helped only one other person, you have done a lot of good. It has been an honor and a pleasure to correspond with you.

I wish you fair winds and following seas.