AMW

Learn this quick. When it is over. Get out. Start good habits now. Trust me. If you love each other and are friends than be in a relationship. If one wants friendship with benefits well, it is just not fair to you both.

Holding on to the person who will only be your friend when it is convenient can be stopping you from meeting the person who will be all you need that person to be.

Val

If he says he can't be with you then that is your cue to move on. You need to set clear boundaries with each other. A good one to agree on and start is this; o.k., we're officially broken up so no more kissing. Healthy relationships always have boundaries. It's too easy to keep going back for booty calls when you breakup with someone but you must be strong. If he says he can't be with you, then you deserve to find someone who wants to be with you.

Justin

"IT IS THOSE WHO WE LIVE WITH AND LOVE AND SHOULD KNOW WHO ELUDE US." - NORMAN MacLEAN

Your boyfriend told you that he cannot be in a committed relationship with you anymore, but he very conveniently failed to mention the real reason behind his decision. You are unable to glean that reason because you are emotionally wounded at this time, but it is easily discerned by an objective observer. What your boyfriend is actually telling you is that he wants the freedom to explore all his sexual options just in case there is some remote possibility that he can stumble across some fool who will be even more efficient at satisfying his narcissistic needs than you are, but he doesn’t want to sever all ties with you quite yet because he astutely understands that his nefarious plan may not materialize exactly as he intends. He’s got some nerve. He couldn’t be more obvious about wanting to have his cake and eat it too. How does he even manage to pull his pants over "walnuts" that big? Do not settle for his kind of mistreatment for even one more day. If he can’t manage to leave your home on his own accord, escort him to the door. After you are finally rid of him for good, change the locks; and don’t allow him to darken your home’s threshold ever again.

As odious as your boyfriend’s behavior is, I cannot say that he is taking advantage of you. You’re practically wearing a sign that says, "Emotionally kick me!" When it comes to the kind of treatment you receive from a guy, you cannot escape the immortal truth that you do not get what you deserve, but what you are willing to accept. Your boyfriend may be a cad, but he is no dummy. He is very clever at reading your words and actions, and they tell him loudly and clearly that you have no standards for the kind of behavior you expect from him and that you are willing to accept whatever rotten scraps of behavior he tosses in your general direction. If you are willing to accept behavioral scraps from a boyfriend, scraps are all you will ever get from him. From this day forward, you should follow one very important new rule: if a guy gives you behavioral scraps, do not make emotional "chitlins" out of them. No amount of emotional seasoning can ever make them palatable.

Your current relationship is not worth salvaging because from its inception it was constructed without the necessary cornerstone of behavioral boundaries. You entered into it with an underdeveloped appreciation for your own self worth and an understandable lack of clarity about the need for all healthy relationships to comprise behavioral boundaries that are not to be crossed. Do not waste time resenting your boyfriend. Be grateful that he came into your life when he did. You, after all, subconsciously invited him into your life because he was the person who could best teach you lessons you needed to learn; and he has done a masterful job. Heed the powerful lessons he has taught you as you move forward in life without him. In your next relationship, work together with the lucky guy involved to establish clearly defined boundaries that define what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable within the context of your relationship; and set appropriate consequences for any improper violation of those boundaries.

I wish you fair winds and following seas.