Okay…I am a heterosexual female and have questions and concerns about gay men. I’ve tried to understand it, believing that maybe these men were born this way. Why am I concerned? Well, it seems that more and more men are “turning” gay…almost like it’s the “cool”, “popular” thing to do now days. Since the sitcom “Will and Grace”, it’s become more “hip”. If some people are “born” this way, I get it. However, from my perspective, it seems like more and more men are wishing women would just die off and leave them within in a virtual utopia of men. It scares me, mostly because I see gay men trying to “convert” straight men. I’ve seen and heard them trying to do this. How do you “convert” a straight man if they were born straight? Of course, I think gay men would love to say that “all men are subconsciously gay”. So, were does that leave heterosexual women? Look at the film, “Brokeback Mountain”. A straight man, who was happily married was “converted” by a gay man. Maybe gayness is just more exciting to men; after all, men have always been more sexual than woman. Is it all about sex…what about a man with a really small penis. Would a gay man accept him? Naturally, they understand each other more, because they are both men. So, does that mean that all men are potential gay converts. I’m terrified by all this, because of stories like the new jersey governor, who suddenly turns gay on his wife…and many other stories like this. Do all woman have to fear this?? What are women to do? We exist too and also want love, passion and sex. What about “gaydar”? Can gay men REALLY recognize other gay men. How? Another confusion; seems that I’ve learned that most gay men were victims of early molestations of some kind. for example, one gay man that I know turned out to be molested by a kindergarten teacher. Could it be due to early boyhood stimulation by a man (buried deep in the subconscious) that brings it out in adulthood? Sorry that I have SO many questions. I really hope that my questions are not offensive. I’m just trying to understand. As a heterosexual woman, I’m just beginning to feel very out of place in this world…where fewer and fewer heterosexual men seem to exits. One last question: why do gay men have stronger,loving and longer commitments than ANY straight man has ever given to a woman. What can women do to become as valuable and cherished to men? Thanks!
Justin
"FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE, NO PROOF IS NECESSARY. FOR THOSE WHO DON’T BELIEVE, NO PROOF IS POSSIBLE." – STUART CHASE
Straight people cannot be converted. You don’t need scientific proof of that concept, for you already understand it intuitively. Could anyone ever possibly convert you into a lesbian? No. Brokeback Mountain is not the story of a straight man who was converted to homosexuality by a gay man. It is the story of two gay or bisexual men who were merely suppressing their true sexual orientations in order to conform to the societal norms of their cowboy culture, but a fateful meeting ended their ability to continue successfully denying a core element of themselves.
The percentage of the population that is born gay is not growing. All credible sources still estimate that only about six to ten percent of the population is gay. If it seems to you that those estimates are inaccurately low, it’s only because more gay people than ever before are rightfully refusing to live their lives in the closet.
You were born into this world being able to emotionally and sexually love men. Your heterosexuality is not the result of acculturation or parental guidance. Your gay brothers were also born into this world being able to emotionally and sexually love men. Their true desires could not be acculturated or parentally instructed out of them just as yours never could have been. Your desire to emotionally and sexually love men does not make you sinful, and your gay brothers' desire to emotionally and sexually love men does not make them sinful. God is Love. God does not limit love. His children’s material and temporal bodies are not constraints on love. God gave you the correct body to express your desires for His sons in your unique way, and God gave your gay brothers the correct bodies to express their desires for His sons in their unique way. God is omniscient; He made no errors.
God loves all his children equally. Consequently, straight women do not have a superior claim to the love of men because of their gender. That notion of yours is born of fear that does not serve you well. You will simply have to learn to share about six to ten percent of the world’s male population with your gay brothers. Women, moreover, do not have a superior ability to love men. Do not presume gay men to be shallow. Sensible gay men are, indeed, quite capable of loving men of any penis length and girth because they understand that when it comes to penises, size does not matter and that what truly matters is the size of a gentleman’s heart.
Just as straight women are not superior to gay men in any fashion, gay men are not superior to straight men. Gay men are human and face struggles in their relationships just as straight men do. Gay men do not have a higher ratio of successful committed relationships than their straight counterparts.
I thank you for your question. I'm pleased that you found this site to be a venue in which you could honestly express your thoughts and feelings. It is meant to be a safe haven for people with questions just like yours. Its founders never intended to harshly judge straight people who have had limited contact with gay people due to no fault of their own. One of their primary goals, however, is to familiarize straight people like you with the hearts and minds of gay people and the issues facing gay people. You have helped to advance that goal by generously submitting your thoughtful question.
I wish you fair winds and following seas.
FOLLOW UP QUESTION:
Justin, thanks for your previous response. As a straight woman, I am very open minded to developing a better understanding and that is why I have these questions. Again, there are times when I DO feel that some men were definitely born gay. However, I still have questions about whether there is sometime else involved in SOME (if not many) situations. Regarding my question on gay men trying to convert straight men, you said “Straight people cannot be converted. Could anyone ever possibly convert you into a lesbian?” Well, thing is, I am a woman and we think SO differently than men anyway. For example, men(gay or straight) are more focused on sex than women (who, in general, are more into love and romance). To me, I think ANYTHING that creates a sexual arousal in men will potentially change them. Which leads me to the one issues of some confusion on this topic…. which is childhood sexual abuse. Is it possible that many gay men were victims of early sexual abuse (in some cases..so young that the child would not even remember)? A little boy (if molested by an adult male) would experience an orgasm, whether straight or gay…right? So, as they become adults, they would connect orgasm with men. Plus, men are more sexual oriented than women AND who understands that more than another man? I was never molested as a child, so I don’t know how that would have affected me, as a woman. I think that possibly a woman (being molested by an adult male) may react differently. They may grow up to fear men and feel safer with women (who also think like them). What are your thoughts on this? Thanks.
Justin
A pedophile can rob a child of any sexual orientation of his innocence, but not even a pedophile’s misdeeds can convert a straight child into a gay child. Sexual orientation is one of God’s most beautiful gifts to His children, and it is inalienable. Societal pressure may cause a child to deny his true sexual orientation, but his sexual orientation cannot be altered by any human act.
Sexual abuse by an adult is an example of an extremely negative force that powerfully affects a child’s life. Parental love, on the other hand, is an example of an extremely positive force in child’s life. Parental love is also very powerful, but not even it can determine a child’s sexual orientation.
If you had been reared by two loving gay parents instead of the straight parents with whom you were actually blessed, your gay parents would have been powerless to convert you into their lesbian daughter because you entered life with your heterosexuality predetermined by God. If you had been a gay child while growing up in the care of your loving straight parents, you would still be gay today no matter how diligently your straight parents tried to make you straight like them. As Ellen DeGeneres once said, "That's where we gay people come from... you heterosexuals." An unfortunate experience of sexual molestation during your childhood might have made it painful for you to face your sexuality, but it would not have converted you from one sexual orientation to another.
I wish you fair winds and following seas.
Leave a Comment