Hello, I have a couple best friends, but there’s one in particular that I begun to develop a crush on. I’m a girl, and so is she. As time progressed, I learned to love her. I finally told her. She told me she wasn’t interested in me that way and I moved on. Things were fine, surprisingly. However, I had this deep feeling that resonated within. “She loves me too, she just doesn’t even know” I remembered thinking about this thought, and deeming myself insane. My friends thought I had lost it. As time went on, we started flirting. At parties, we begun hooking up, both sober, and not. Eventually, we began speaking of being together, playfully. The conversations began getting serious, and I remembered her telling me” you’re just too special to date. If we brake up, I wouldn’t want to lose our friendship” Understandable, I let go once again, despite feeling different inside. Randomly, one night, I receive a text from her saying “I know you’re perfect for me, but I don’t want that, because I’m scared of it” I was excited, for knowing my intuition was correct, but also torn. I cried so hard with the proceeding conversation.  We finally had a big conversation, with her saying that if I was a male, I would be her soul mate. She told me she loved me in every way, but physical. She told me she couldn’t explain her attraction towards me, but that she knew it was special [so, she finally admitted to liking me back. I wasn’t crazy] BUT, she said let’s stay friends, because she just couldn’t see me physically attractive. ….[solely because of the gender factor..] it hurt me so deeply, on account of my own anatomy, something I don’t want to change, was the problem, yet emotionally, and mentally, I was her soul mate, her ideal… I told her, that’s fine….after a week or two, the flirty behavior began again, and we started doing things secretly. and then it happened. One night while we laid next to each other, we did it. I asked how she felt, and the response during the sex was amazing [not trying to sound cocky] and afterwards, the comments were great. I cried on her a week or two later on account of her ignoring me after something so intimate occurred, not to mention her saying I was her ideal, she just needed the physical to work, and now it did, and yet she flaked out again. she was speechless upon me randomly crying on her. We went on a trip, and it happened four more times. But, like the pattern before, she was -straight- so she continued with boyfriends, and she now goes from guy to guy. Her current boyfriend cheats on her. She remains safe in her -straight persona- and comfortable, while I am left to acknowledge these feelings and actions, being an open lesbian. I remember when I first got with another girl [she was not my first] even though it was natural for me, and comforting, I was still terrified, and I want her to be okay. I AM SO LOST with what I should do. Do you think she ever loved me? what do you think of her orientation ? what should my next move be? THANKS FOR LISTENING (: