I need help with this bi thing. My 17yr old virgin son told me today with his therapist that he is bi. When I asked how do you know since your a virgin, all I got was the deer in the headlights look. I want to know how I can politely ask him, if he realizes that sex between men means he will either get fucked or fuck someone in the ass … Or he will either suck a dick or get his sucked??? I tried to talk to my best friend and she said I was being crass. I said I’m just keeping it real. We’ll long story short, she was offended and didn’t want to talk any more. But I need an answer to my question!?!? I grew up in CA, so I don’t really care what you are as long as you don’t press me to sign up! It doesn’t matter to me if he is Bi, Gay, Heterosexual, Transgender, or something else! What matters is how do I ask the right questions without him thinking, I’m crass or being rude!?!? And that he knows and believes that I do and will love him no matter whatever it is that he is! I’m hoping that someone, anyone from this site will answer me! I’ve searched various blogs and web sites for the last 5 hours, with no response. Than you in advance, mother of a confused boy.
3 Comments
Thanks for the question. Your son shared an important part of his life with you, his sexuality. He doesn’t sound confused at all. Rather, he chose an environment that he felt safe in coming out to you. The best response is let him know as you have said so gracefully here that “he knows and believes that I do and will love him no matter whatever it is that he is”. In time as he feels more comfortable, and at his discretion he will choose what or if he will share the specifics of his sexual activities.
To add to that, I am also a virgin and I identify as gay. I know I’m am gay because I find myself attracted to men and not women. The same probably goes for your son, doesn’t matter who he’s had sex with, it’s who he would like to have sex with. I hope this was helpful.
I think there are some things to consider that perhaps you haven’t. First of all, he is 17. I’m sure he knows exactly what sex with a man would entail. Furthermore, if he identifies as bisexual, I’m sure that the idea of sex with a man is a turn-on. As far as anal and oral go, you don’t have to be having gay sex to experience those things. Heterosexual couples engage in anal and oral by choice on the regular. Those kinds of sex are not exclusively homosexual. So I can’t help but think it’s a really odd question to ask your son if he realizes that when he engages in sex, that he will be engaging in sex. The other thing to consider is, did it take having sex with people of both sexes for you to understand your sexuality, or did you “just know?” I knew what I was long before I ever had sex. It’s what you fantasize about, it’s who you find attractive, it’s who you have crushes on, it’s who you want to date, it’s who you hope to make out with, even if you’ve never been so far as having sex yet. It’s also possible that your son is not actually a virgin. It’s quite possible that he’s had sex you don’t know about. It’s pretty typical for teenagers to keep that from their parents. I did. My best advice is to try to relate to him. Imagine that you just told your mother that you like boys, and she said to you, “You know that means he’s going to be putting his cock in your pussy, and maybe your asshole, and you may be putting your finger in his asshole, and you’ll probably be sucking his dick, and he’ll probably be licking your pussy. You realize that, right?” That is pretty crass. It doesn’t sound like you want to understand your child as much as to gross him out by making it sound like it’s bad or weird or gross somehow. Give your son a little credit. He’s practically an adult now, at least legally. Understand that he knows what sex is, and what sexuality is, and that if your’e really going to support him, that the best thing to do is to be concerned with his happiness and well-being. Accept his sexuality without having to know the intimate details of his sex life. They’re not actually any of your business, just as yours aren’t any of anyone else’s, and it is HIS choice to share them with you only if he wants to.